kiss my knee. peace out.

A girl who picks up the tab (or offers to split it) on a regular basis.

A guy who still wears Structure clothing now that it has become Express men.

I'm looking for...

A guy that doesn't mind--or (even better) likes--to dress up.

A guy that doesn't think lip balm is too "girly" for guys.

You know what? It seems that the word "weird" is one of the most commonly misspelled words. Weird.

Argh. Now I'm hungry.

Henry is talking about games...or a game....or something related to a game...

Me: Hey...look over there it's those two girls that were holding hands.
Kit: OOOOO lesbians! Henry look! Lesbians!!!
Henry: (Glances over disinterestedly) Well anyway, the game was [blah blah blah more talk about the game]

I wanted to tutor next quarter, but my schedule isn't cooperating.

ICS22. Java programming. I coulda done it too ;P

Oh well...

Styna invited me to the gyno. So did Ape. Hmm...

GROOVY

Random ass video clip. Boyfriend gave it to me. I watched it in lab =0

(need windows media player to view)

*should warn you...some of the stuff is pretty sick =X keep that in mind before you click

So we're over halfway through this awful quarter and I think I'm going to have to resign myself to a low GPA (kissing all hopes of every achieving that elusive 3.5 overall goodbye) and just try and make it through alive. Granted, this does NOT mean that I'm allowing myself to fail anything. If that happens I'm going to have to shoot myself. Between the eyes.

With a water pistol.

Anyway, after several too-long Tuesday nights at the MRC, I have come to the conclusion that my coworker is strange. But funny. He swears that everyone should have a threesome at some point in their lives. I'm not exactly sure how this would better anyones life, but I'm sure that you XY chromosomed folks out there would be happy to explain his logic. Kinda like the lesbian thing.

Oh yeah, this is the same coworker that told me about the 30 day rule.

Went to ECheng.com tonight out of sheer boredom (seven hours of quality MRC time) and I swear this guy is my farking hero (I even told him so in his guestbook). Comp sci and music? Only in my dreams. Unfortunately, I am not talented enough in either field to dare tackle both ;P Not to say that I don't enjoy playing. I do, I'm just not too wonderful at it.

Most of you know that I played koto for most of my life. I started when I was six and stopped almost exactly eleven years later at seventeen. I think I was actually pretty decent for my age at one point, but that pretty much went down the crapper when school started getting hard and I started working (translation: less practice time). My senior year, after a huge fight with my parents, I decided to give it up. It was pretty painful calling my teacher who had been flying in from Las Vegas twice a month to give me a lesson to tell her that I was quitting. I think I went to my room and cried after I hung up. Yeah yeah, call it melodramatic, but it was a big deal to me.

The thing is I really miss playing. It's a shame the UCI wind ensemble was cut last year. Mmm so they weren't that great, but an ensemble is an ensemble. I liked some of the music, plus I didn't feel an enormous pressure to be the best or anything like that. It was a low-key sit-down ensemble, which fit my needs what with my classes and all.

Anyway, we're going to be closing soon.

Goo goo goo and ta ta.

(Can you tell me where that's from???)

-For those of you who thought that it was crazy that she was able to take her sword on the plane as a carry-on? Look closely. There's another sword (belonging to another passenger I assume) in the foreground. Funny stuff.

-You really need to see this movie on the big screen. YES I'm getting it on DVD when it comes out, but it's not the same. If my brother still hasn't seen it by the time he comes back for Thanksgiving, I'm taking him!

Mm happy V day everybody.

No not Valentine.

Veteran. No school today, but I had to come to work. So here I am.

This morning was nice though. Went to Kit's place last night and got to wake up this morning without an alarm. First time in ages.

My body can't handle fast food the way it used to. I suppose that's a good thing...?

For Stiffamu: Did you get The Curious Sofa: A Pornographic Work by Ogred Weary? Very strange looking :X I think I'm going to get it HAHA!

it feels like things should be winding down but at the same time it feels like i shouldn't feel that things should be winding down because i'll end up screwing myself into the ground.

down down down.

I was so tired last night that I just made instant curry (hadn't eaten all day so I was starved), talked to Kit, then went to sleep relatively early. For some reason, NOBODY was at the apartment when I got home at ten or when I went to bed at twelve! Styna commented and updated last night. Was surprised to discover she's still breathing. I haven't seen her in a week!

Got hot chocolate and a pastry this morning. Figured I had time since I was well-rested (for once) and that I deserved it for finishing my last midterm yesterday. I feel mellowed out right now.

I need to catch up on my reading.

I feel crappy.

I've never felt so ditzy and stupid. Ditzy, stupid and lazy. Plus I have no common sense. It's a miracle I've made it this far. According to Darwin, people like me should have been wiped out years ago.

Shit I just knocked over a ruler and woke April up. Why am I so clumsy?

I've lost confidence in myself. These past four years have done nothing but prove that I'm not as good, smart, talented, etc, as I thought I was. I used to think I was some sort of "academic Raskolnikov". Based on what? My supposed intelligence. Something I've grown to doubt. Something I've grown to resent.

3/19/2001

I thought I'd come to terms with the disappointment after a few years, but instead I feel worse. It seems like I fail myself over and over again...and that thinking that I can succeed is just setting me up for yet another failure. Every time I fall short of my own expectations it's like I die a little...and all of a sudden all of my motivation is gone. The worst part is, I don't seem to have the moral support that I did in high school. In high school, my friends and I were suffering together. We suffered and worked hard and supported each other. Now, not only do I feel like a stupid ditz, but I feel that the people who are trudging through the ICS major with me look at me and see a stupid ditz, but who am I to say that they are wrong in believing so? What have I done to prove otherwise?

I don't know...I had such high hopes first year, and now I just want to make it out alive. Who was I kidding thinking I could graduate after taking on an impacted major? I think I was delusional. Well, I've gotten this far and I'm not turning back. I'm just not so sure that I've got what it takes.

I know I know, I have a midterm tomorrow and I'm wasting time posting about how crappy I feel. Blogging is theraputic. Those of you who blog know what I mean.

I just needed to get this off my chest.

Yesterday when I was in Jamba Juice waiting for my 16 oz. (:)) Peach Pleasure Outkast's Hey Ya started playing and when it got to that one part (you know the "shake it" part) this tall, conservative-looking forty-something year old blonde woman wearing a tweed blazer and slacks starts dancing. I was like WTF mate?

Okay that was all.

I think I'm lucky.

Listened to it at Tower today. Now I must have it. Tower is always overpriced so I'm going to go elsewhere to buy it.

Told you I was obsessed ;)

Halloween was yesterday. Happy Halloween. Today is November. Happy November.

No, I didn't dress up. If I did, I'd probably dress up as Go Go Yubari because one, I'm currently obsessed with the movie Kill Bill and two, I could probably pull off the psycho Japanese schoolgirl thing because I am a psycho Japanese schoolgirl. Sort of. Anyway. So I hear Henry has the mpeg? HOOK IT UP!!!!

Kit and I ate Alertos yesterday. Yum. I wish we had one here in SGV.

I have a headache.

Doesn't it feel like there's nothing to look forward to? Graduation isn't going to be for a while. The way things are going, it looks like I might be a little less than halfway done with college, and for me, the thought of trudging through another two years and one quarter sounds like hell. After that? Well, let's hope that I'll actually be able to find a job :(

I have yet to find my forté. I wish I knew what I was good at. It would make things so much easier.